Over the last several days, I’ve had occasion to reflect on wisdom gleaned and lessons learned since I’ve been on leave, moving at the pace of guidance. “Simple knowings” is how I refer to them, because while not immediately and apparently profound, my sense is, that like a stone dropped in a pond, as I sit with these and let them settle into my body and being, the ripples will stir and resonate, helping me sense a pattern of emergence.
At a workshop last week on motivational interviewing, superbly facilitated by Roxanne Sawatzky, we were asked to position ourselves in the room at the stage of change we perceive ourselves to currently be with regards to physical exercise:
- Precontemplation – “Exercise? What’s that? Why bother?”
- Contemplation – “It’d be nice to get active but it’s too cold, I’m too tired, have no time…”
- Action – “I’m doing it for a while now, and I need to convince, cajole, celebrate every time because it’d be easy to return to the couch.”
- Maintenance – “Doing it for at least 6 months, might slip back if I’m not paying attention.”
- Termination – “This is who I am and I never give a thought about it.”
After a few moments wavering back and forth, I chose to stand in the middle of the space, with Action and Maintenance, and Termination over to the side, because I’ve been experimenting with NOT being scheduled. I’ve come to know the “governor” quality of work – that most every decision I make is influenced by or bumps up against work and its requirements of body, mind and spirit. In its absence, I’m amazed at how insidious, pervasive and tenacious work’s grip has been on me, even though I love my work.
So I don’t get up every morning at 5 to go to my mat, and then at 6 to my cushion. And when I do, many mornings I rest in sivasana in bed, cozy and warm, sleeping deeply until the sun rises.
But the deeper lesson in all of this is trust in and of myself, that I have not abandoned my practice, but rather that I am living and not merely doing it.
Allowing it and me to be fluid, responsive, creative, intelligent to the needs of now, in anticipation of what might be.
Sitting deep and well inside.